Future of Porn

Halloween was cool, when I was a kid. But I’m a 35 year old single man, with no kids that I’m aware of, and Halloween is now more of a burden than something I look forward to.

My neighborhood is just loaded with kids. They’re running up and down the street all day long. Playing, running around, doing what kids do. And this means I can’t just avoid Halloween. If I’m not there, dishing out candy, then I’m subject to getting a trick. I don’t want to learn how difficult it is to get toilet paper off a 50′ pine tree. So I’ll follow the rules, and play along.

Like the last few years, I’ve stocked up on candy. Boy, have I stocked up on candy! All kinds, shapes and sizes. From sweet tarts, to small candy bars, to tootsie rolls, to the hard candy nobody likes. If I’m going to do this, I’m going to do it right. The kids in my neighborhood are going to worship the candy-giving I’m going to do. Like my father said, if you’re going to do it, may as well do it right.

As Devils’ Night arrived I dutifully set out a couple of pumpkins… that part’s actually fun. I got a bag of candles and just let them go all night. Its kind of nice to see them as it does remind me of when I was a child. I had all the candy ready to go and even put a red light out to add to the minimal spookiness of my house. I even had a vampire mask although I wasn’t about to wear a costume; frankly, I might not even wear the mask.

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The multitude of small kids in my area also meant there were many younger adults. My block has a lot of 30-somethings and, at 35 I fit right in. There were some single moms and a few of them were actually quite attractive. We all wave at each other as we drive in and out of our two-block dead end street but I haven’t really met any of my other neighbors outside of the ones right near me. It’s a very young, quiet, cordial family neighborhood.

As the witching hour grew near (kids these days start going out at 5:00) I put fresh candles in the pumpkins, dumped the candy in bowls, and got ready for the deluge. I think last year I counted over 100 kids knocking on my door in a 2 hour timeframe. It would soon be over and then I could go get some drinks at the local pub.

At 5:12 PM it began!

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The evening was going as expected with literally truck-loads of kids making their rounds. There were ghosts and goblins and kids old enough to drive cars and parents and the occasional dog dressed up in some goofy outfit. I made sure to give them all a good handful; mixed well with less-desirable candy and didn’t let them see exactly what they were getting. Once you drop it in their bag, they don’t know what they got from you and what they got from someone else.

Parents of the older kids usually waited by the sidewalk while their demons tricked and treated. Those of younger kids would walk them to the door and tell them what to do and say. Some of the parents this year were a bit different and I couldn’t quite tell why. Just something about them wasn’t right.

I soon figured out that some of the parents were having a get-together at the far end of the block. Every now and then a parent would be giggling or would stumble on the dark sidewalk… It seemed as if SOME of them were a bit tipsy on this Halloween night. A particular group of moms came by, all dressed up in costumes, all a bit intoxicated.

It was later in the evening when the leader of this rolling mother party came to the door with the pack of kids to get them their treats. She was smartly dressed up as the Devil. The first thing I noticed was her shapely figure wrapped in red. Her red fishnet stockings topped off simple red Converse sneakers (very practical given her condition and the walking involved). Her legs went all the way up to a matching red blouse/skirt combo. She held the traditional spear in one hand and her pointed tail in the other. The outfit was topped by a cute set of Devil ears.

She instructed the kiddies to say “Trick or treat” and they did. They all lined up and I deposited the goodies in their bags. They all said, “Thank you” and began to file out to the curb.

“So whas yer name?” She said to me as the children made their way to the next house. “I haven’t seen you around. Are you new to the area?”

“Howdy, I’m Steve. Its my second year… what’s your name?”

“You can call me Lucifer, or just Lucy. Actually, my friends call me Luce.” She said as she checked me out. She was rocking back and forth, showing off her shapely legs. She played with her spear and was twirling her tail around. Quite the little Devil!

I stepped outside, into the red-lit night. “So Lucy, you live down the block?”

“Yeah, I’m down at the end, on the left, number 23222. I’m there with my little girl Rachel; she’s the one in the Princess outfit. I divorced her father after I found him doing horizontal exercises with the babysitter; but that’s another story.”

“Well, your girl’s very pretty” I said cordially. “Are you having fun? Seems like y’all are having a party or something.”

“Nah, nothing like that. Just some of the other girls and I got together for a few cocktails before doing the rounds with the kids.”

Something about the way she said “cocktails”, with emphasis on the “cock”. And at the same time she did an extra cute little wiggle, putting her head down a bit while looking up into my eyes. Then she subtly licked her very red lips and I started to think impure thoughts.

I took these as a cue and moved a bit closer to her. “That’s a nice little outfit you have on. Did you get it from a store or pull it together yourself?” A good excuse to very carefully check out every inch of this little Devil. It was dark but I was guessing she was probably 32 years old… maybe 5′4″ and 135 pounds? She wasn’t slender but had all the right curves in all the right places.

“Oh, thank you!” she squealed in delight, turning around slowly so I could check her out from all sides. “No. I just threw this together myself. I got the tail, ears and spear from Meijer when we got Rachel’s outfit. Do you really like it?”

“Oh yeah, its great! You really wear it well. It really compliments your figure.” I said taking plenty of time to fully drink in the sight. Her eyes beamed and her smile widened, revealing some very cute dimples.

“Thanks!” she said as her group came back around the other side of the street.

“Hey Luce! Quit bortherin’ the poor man an c’mon! We still have to finish off that other…” her girlfriend yelled from across the street. She stopped herself, forgetting she was leading a pack of small kids. “We still have unfinished bizness! Let’s go!!”

“Sounds like you need to get more cocktails” I said, echoing her emphasis on the ‘cock’. “Have fun though, and walk carefully. I see you again soon I hope.”

“Yeah… definitely need some cock tails” she said re-doubling the sentiment. She did her best to look needing, taking her turn to check me out. I was wearing a simple jeans, sandals, t-shirt outfit but the little flirt session had caused my other head to come to attention… and she’d definitely noticed.

“Gotta go… bye” she said slyly as she turned slowly to rejoin her friends. Looking back over her shoulder as she stuck her cute little butt out and wiggled it nicely. She casually walked down the street and joined her friends.

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I got back from the pub a few hours later to find the street basically empty and dark. As I went into my house I almost stepped on a plastic pumpkin bucket which had been placed by my front door. It’s the kind the kids used to collect candy but this had no such thing inside. Bringing it in the house I turned on the lights to see what was inside. I found a bottle of Heiniken, a pair of lacy red panties, and a note.

“Does Stevie want to cum out and play? If so, you know where to find me. Loose”

The red panties and the way she signed her name was all I needed. I put the panties to my face and could smell the faint fragrance of Lucy’s body. The smell of her sex was there too, if not faint. I inhaled deeply, put them down on the table, grabbed my last condom from my dresser drawer, opened the bottle of beer and went back out into the night. This all took no more than 30 seconds.

As I walked down the block to her house I realized how quiet it was. Earlier it was a three-ring circus and now it was dead silent. Pumpkins were still flickering on porches although most lights were out. I sipped the beer and made my way… there wasn’t a soul in sight.

I approached her house, happy I remembered the number, and admired the Halloween decorations she had set up. There were pumpkins and corn stalks and a stuffed scarecrow on a pole. Cotton cobwebs accented the door and I noticed there was a light on inside. A motion-detector turned on the porch light as I approached. I knocked on the door.

“Hi. I was afraid you wouldn’t come” she said as she looked through the screen door. “Do you like the beer?”

“Not as much as your other gift” I said checking her out. She was still in her Devil outfit and looked really nice. “Can I come in?”

“No. Wait… what time is it?” She looked at a clock in her house. “No, we have to go.” She stepped outside and closed the door. “Come with me.”

“What? Where are we going? Its kind of late, isn’t it?” I protested. I was hoping to stay in for a while, not go out.

She looked into my eyes and smiled. Then, she grabbed my hand and led me around the side of her house. Once in the shadows she stopped and turned towards me.

“Be patient… trust me” she said as she pushed me up against the house and leaned in for a kiss. Her lips were soft and moist although her breath was definitely laced with vodka. She kissed me with the lust of a woman who hadn’t been taken care of in a long time. She rubbed her breasts against me and sighed deeply. I was eager and willing and put my arms around her and held her tightly. My hand wandered down her back and softly felt her very shapely ass. She moaned her approval as I lifted her skirt. My hand explored her soft skin as I realized she had not replaced her panties.

Noticing this kicked me into second gear. I reached down with my other hand and picked her up; spreading her legs and pressing myself into her.

“Oh yes… oh yeah, I need you so bad” she whispered as her legs wrapped around my waist. She held me tightly as my lips went down her neck, kissing and sucking her as I went. I was hard by now and started to hump her through my pants. My hands were holding her up and spreading her wide as lust completely took over.

“Stop. Not yet. Wait.” She protested.

“Huh? What?” I said, her words like a slap in the face, bringing me back to reality. “What’s wrong?”

“Not yet. They’ve already started and we have to go.”

She slid down the wall, regained her footing, and looked me squarely in the eyes. She was quite pretty, although it was dark and the light of day might express another opinion. But for now, I was willing to go along with her game, whatever it was. “Come with me.”

She led me into her back yard. It was almost pitch black except for the distant street lights. She carefully crept to the back of the yard. I was simply following that beautiful ass… wherever it went, I was going to be inches behind. Back in the corner of her yard she quietly opened a gate which led to a neighbor’s yard. We went through as she turned around and put her finger to her lips indicating we were doing some kind of stealth operation. I grabbed her and kissed her again; groping her as I held her against me. She seemed to enjoy it but quickly broke off, obviously intent on accomplishing her mission.

We crept through the neighbor’s back yard, up to the house. It was dark with the exception of a light on in one of the downstairs windows. This was where we were going. She took my hand and guided me as we slowly crept up to the window. Although it was almost November the window seemed to be open a crack. Faint sounds could be heard coming from inside.

She peered inside and quickly ducked down, only to regain her courage and peek inside again. I came up behind her and looked over her shoulder into the window.

There, in what appeared to be the living room, were two figures. It took me a second to realize that they were both in their costumes. One person, with their back to the window, was wearing a nun costume, habit and all. The other person was kneeling in front of the nun, obviously taking care of business. She was dressed in a Catholic school girl outfit. A crisp white shirt and tie, plaid skirt, white socks and black shoes completed the rather sexy outfit.

Lucy gained comfort she wouldn’t be detected and seemed to settle in to watch the show. Without breaking from the sight, she grabbed my hand and pulled me in behind her. I could see clearly over her shoulder as we both watched the school girl working on the nun. I was a bit confused as it seemed the girl was giving the nun a blowjob. Then I heard the nun moan and realize she was actually a he. The man in this house was dressed up as a nun, and he was getting a loud, passionate blow job from the hot school girl.

Lucy found my hand and pulled it around her to her breast. Without further encouragement I began caressing her breasts with both hands. Gently at first, watching the show, I explored her body. She was loving it; the sight in front of her and the attention of my hands seemed to really get her going. Moaning softly she guided my hand down to her stomach. Taking the cue I softly felt the inside of her thigh. Slowly rubbing the fabric of her skirt into her I put my full hand on her sex.

She leaned back into me, fully enjoying my wandering hands, watching.

The nun inside was feverishly bucking his hips as his girl attended to his needs. I guessed he was close to climax as he soon pulled back, leaving the school girl with a clear expression of disappointment on her face. It was as if he was taking candy from this baby. It was quickly replaced with the look of lust, her eyes widening as the nun pulled her up off her knees.

“No! Please!! I promise I won’t pass notes in class any more” we could hear the girl protest as the nun took her by the hand to the end of the sofa. “Please? I promise I’ll be good.” Her protests only fueled his lust as he took her and pushed her down over the arm of the sofa. For just a moment I thought I had seen her look in the direction of the window as she bent over but I didn’t think anything of it.

“You’re a very bad girl!” the nun said as he examined her rear end. Pulling up her skirt he abruptly spanked her bare bottom, resulting in a loud smack and a girlish shriek. This hit Lucy with a shock as she flinched and put her hand on top of mine. She pushed my hand into herself as she shifted her head, giving me access to her neck. I devoured her and, with her guidance, rubbed her firmly causing her to writhe in my grip. She was clearly heating up as we continued to watch the action inside the house.

Another smack, then another, caused the girl to almost start crying. “Please! I promise! I’ll be good!” pouted the girl as she lay bent over the arm of the sofa. The nun seemed satisfied she was remorseful and, without removing his gaze from her reddening behind, lowered himself to his knees. He began to gently kiss her cheeks and massaged her butt and thigh. Like a starving man inches from a steak he slowly spread her and began to lick. Giving much attention to her backside he went to town.

“Oh god yes!” Lucy quietly moaned as she saw this happen. She was soaking wet now as I lifted her skirt. She spread herself and braced against the sill as I rubbed her, searching for her clit. She let me know I found it by gasping, rather loudly. I would have been afraid we would be heard but the couple in the house were clearly busy and oblivious to the outside world.

The girl on the sofa was panting and moaning as the nun ate her out from behind. We couldn’t tell if he was tonguing her ass or her pussy but she was loving it either way. Several minutes of the nuns face buried completely in her butt the girl seemed close to climax. She was moaning “please” over and over as the nun set a rhythm. He was taking her to the brink as her pleas intensified in both volume and frequency.

Lucy and I had adopted the same pace, emulating the sex we were watching.

“Please. Oh, please… please don’t” the girl whimpered, her voice becoming more and more desperate. “Please don’t… don’t put it in me. I promise… please, don’t. I swear…” her pleas continuing. She was getting close and Lucy and I both knew it.

I decided to go for it. A departing rub through Lucy’s slit spread out her wetness thoroughly, ending with a tickle of her clit. Removing my hand broke Lucy’s concentration, briefly bringing her out of her voyeuristic trance. I quickly unzipped my jeans and freed my now rock-hard cock. I couldn’t tell who was wetter, Lucy or myself. I stepped back to Lucy with my member standing almost straight out, almost instantly rubbing up against her naked ass. Trying to quickly position myself at her entrance I almost got there before she stopped me.

“No, please, not yet.” She asked. “I need you, bad, but not yet. Oh, god, I need you. Patience, please?” Lucy said as she moved slightly, thwarting my attempt to penetrate her from behind. I’m not sure why I didn’t just take her right there and then but something told me she was on the level and I would have her soon enough.

“Okay.” I said, “its okay baby.” I reached down and pulled up my pants as she looked at me over her shoulder. She seemed very appreciative of my understanding as she returned to the window. I straightened myself out and she pulled me back into her; guiding my hands back to her breasts; my pant-covered cock pressed firmly against her I started to dry-hump her naked ass.

The scene in the window was heating up. The girl was squirming almost uncontrollably; the nun’s face buried in her bottom. She was panting and moaning in a fevered pace. Her pleading for him to stop had changed to a series of “yes, yes, yes”; the pace increasing. It couldn’t possibly last much longer as she neared her climax.

“Yes, yes, yes. I’m very bad. Yes, please… oh please, yes, yes” the girl chanted, “oh, god… oh, god… yes… yes… oh, god yes I’m going to cum. I’m going to cum. Please, yes, I’m going to cum.”

The imminent climax infected Lucy as it seemed she was on the same plane as the school girl. Lucy bucked against me in rhythm to the girl’s cries. My pre-cum generously lubricating my cock I rubbed up against her. Her hand between her legs, mine cupping her breasts, she was almost there; just waiting for the signal to let loose.

“Oh, god… oh, god, yes… oooohh god yesss I’m cumming!! Oh god!!!” the school girl declared, her body stiffening, bucking uncontrollably, stiffening again as she rode the waves of her climax.

This was all Lucy needed to hear as she almost simultaneously stiffened up. Her legs almost gave out from under her as I held her up. She was like a rag doll as she brought herself to climax. Breath staggered, body convulsing, she continued to watch through the window as the nun stood up behind the still writhing girl.

Without notice, and while she was still in the middle of her climax, the nun took his cock in hand. It was stiff as a steel rod and ready to go. He quickly positioned himself and slid his cock in between the girl’s cheeks. She had not finished her first orgasm when he entered her from behind. This caused both Lucy and the girl to gasp in surprise.

The nun quickly started pumping the helpless girl, grabbing her hips for increased control, he fucked her. Her words were now just a jumble of gasps and groans and cries. He fucked her so hard the sofa started walking across the room. The girl took him deep as she regained her senses and looked another orgasm in the face.

I turned and walked from Sarah’s house without saying another word. I drove straight to the mall, and forced my way past the barrier into the construction area of the new store. I was determined to catch them both and fully confront my cheating wife.

I was disappointed to find the place empty, and looked around the area closely as I tried to picture the adulterous behavior of the mother of my children. I was sick and empty and finally left, more heart broken and disappointed then than full of rage. I stopped in at the old store and saw Teri, one of the employees I knew. She seemed surprised and a little concerned to see me there and asked if I was looking for Sandy. I told her I had gone to the new store space and didn’t see anyone there, and Teri seemed almost relieved. I told her to tell Sandy that I had stopped by when she saw her, and left.

As I walked through the parking lot, I passed behind a pickup truck with the driver still seated behind the wheel. His head was thrown back like he was really into the music on his stereo, and I smiled as I heard him yell out with enthusiasm. Then I felt almost embarrassed as I saw other movement in the truck and realized a girl was performing oral sex on him. I had no idea that it was probably my own wife giving him a blow job. Neither Sandy nor I had given or received oral sex before so it was not the kind of thing that would have immediately popped into my mind at first sign, and I remember thinking, my god, was the whole world going crazy with sex.

When I took driver’s education as a prospective teenage driver, an important component to the course was a module referred to as “defensive driving”. I had accepted the wisdom behind that concept and constantly tried to prepare for the unexpected by imagining the worst things that could happen on the road, then I would determine the correct way to handle the situation safely so that if the unthinkable ever happened, I would have already rehearsed the corrective measures and could act almost instinctively. I applied the same philosophy in everything I did, but I never imagined in my most impossible imaginings the things that were happening then and had not rehearsed any method of handling them sensibly.

I spent most of the remaining afternoon driving and parking and sitting and thinking. Late in the afternoon I ended up in the lobby of a law firm where a good friend of mine worked. I asked the receptionist if David Larsen was available. She paged him, gave him my name and then invited me to sit for a moment. “Mr. Larsen will be with you as soon as he finishes with a client.” She said, and I sat down and tried to find a magazine to occupy my thoughts.

“Ted! What brings you in here?” David’s voice rang out waking me like the morning alarm. “I just stopped by to see a friend.” I said, and then awkwardly I continued. “Actually, I have a troubling situation, and I need some advice.” David sensed a low demeanor in me and quickly led me into his private office. I spent about 40 minutes bringing him up to date and rehearsing the body of evidence I had acquired to that point. He agreed that the evidence, although circumstantial was powerful and convincing. He advised me briefly on some points of law and procedure and told me that when I was ready he would help me secure the best professional assistance available and stand by me throughout a divorce proceeding.

When I left the office I was much less worried about divorce and all it implied, but at the same time wasn’t overly anxious to plunge into proceedings and end everything. I still loved Sandy, incredible as that may seem. I’ve always believed that whenever someone develops a strong loving relationship with someone else, it’s reasonable to assume that the feelings of love were based on something tangible. If circumstances or thinking changed, an adjustment could be necessary. That didn’t mean the original basis of love and the love itself should never have existed, or should be destroyed and denied in the process of healing and recovery. It simply meant that things proceeding on from that point needed to be adjusted or modified in accordance with the “new thinking” or the “new circumstances”.

It sounded simple enough as I rehearsed it in my mind, but I knew it was going to be a lot more complicated than that in reality.

I had to get home and pick up the kids from Sarah, and I still hadn’t found Sandy yet. We fixed a light supper and the three of us ate together. It wasn’t uncommon for us to do that, but it struck me hard that this was probably the way it would be from then on. After dinner, I spent a couple of hours playing with Tyler and Jessica, and we read some of their favorite stories together. I always tried to help them both read all the words they could, and the older they got, the more they competed with me for reading time. They were both ready for bed by 8:00 and were sound asleep thirty minutes later.

By 9:00 I was a nervous wreck, and couldn’t stand to just sit around and wait any longer. I made a couple of quick calls, and soon had arranged for Sandy’s sister Karen to come over for an hour or so, so I could handle a quick emergency. When Karen arrived I was brief and told her I had to hurry because I was too late already, and then rushed out.

I returned to the mall just about closing time and found the construction area already locked up. The metal security gate was already down at front of the old clothing store, but I could see at least one customer still inside with a sales associate and Teri closing out the day’s receipts. When the gate was lifted to let the shopper out I was able to get in. The associate didn’t know me but Teri said it was alright to let me in.

When Teri and I were alone, I asked her, point blank, what was going on with Sandy. She hung her head, dreading the conversation and then finally admitted going into the construction area and finding Darren, but not Sandy. Then she told me about seeing the clothes, underwear included lying on the floor. A few minutes later Sandy had appeared wearing the dress Teri had seen on the floor, and she was certain that Sandy wasn’t wearing anything beneath it. She asked me what was going on, as though I knew all about it, and then admitted that she felt sure Sandy was being intimate with the contractor, in fact she was sure Sandy knew what she thought and was making no effort to hide it.

Teri was concerned and supportive, she said she hoped she was wrong and that I deserved better. At about 10:30, I finally left and didn’t know if I could stand to go home or not right then. Throughout this whole odyssey, I had dealt with every emotion imaginable, anger, indignation, jealousy, pain and humility, and one other emotion that confused me and made me angry all over again; arousal. Why on earth was I aroused when I watched Sandy masturbate on the living room couch? Why did my cock get stiff at imagining the pictures of sex associated with her wet panties and the construction area I had wandered through?

As I mentally pictured the wanton and reckless passion in her acts of adultery I saw the vivid image of lust that enveloped her on that couch. All I could think of was how much I would have loved seeing that intensity and passion during our own intimacy, and I felt devastated at the knowledge that I had not unlocked that kind of lust in her myself.

In spite of what women and girls had told me for years, there were very few of them who could actually live with a perfect prince charming happily ever after. Some people would maintain that in order to be appreciated, your companion or sweetheart needed to see the less desirable side of you from time to time. “You need to treat her like shit occasionally, even if you have to pretend, if you want to keep her interested.” Some friends would say. “I can’t do something out of character.” I would argue. “If I want to treat her well, I can’t pretend to be a bully just so she doesn’t take me for granted. I can only be who I am.” Well, Ted.” I finally had to say to myself. “See where your high principals have taken you now.”

After beating myself up for another twenty minutes, I ended up back home thanking Karen for her patience. She sensed trouble in my burdened countenance and asked pointedly what was wrong. I had to let loose at least a little, and finally admitted that I was afraid her sister was involved with someone else. The idea of that was so foreign to anything she could have imagined that she just stood there open mouthed until I thought she would faint for lack of breathing.

“Ted, what in the world do you mean, involved? She said.

“You know Karen; I think she is having an affair with another guy.”

“You’re crazy!” She sputtered almost out of breath and in shock. “Sandy loves you and the kids more than anything in the world. She would never put your marriage in jeopardy.”

“I thought so too Karen, but there’s just too damned much evidence to deny it.” I said, and then I spent the next twenty minutes summarizing the things that had led me to what I knew. By the time I had finished, we were both crying and fighting against anger and shame. We agreed to keep things to ourselves for another day, until I could at least confront Sandy with the everything I already knew. I was still anxious to find out if there was another side to this; any kind of reasonable explanation. And I wanted to know if she still loved me for that matter; maybe even find out if she ever really had.

Karen left for home, only a little less burdened than me, and after I looked in on the kids several times as they slept soundly in the dark, I settled into the chair in the corner of the front wall, away from the door. I sat there in silence for well over an hour, I don’t really know how long. At some point I got up and shut off the lights, just to enjoy the cooling comfort of the dark. My pulse raced like an athlete doing short wind sprints whenever a car passed by, until the headlights of a noisy truck illuminated the front of the house as it turned into the drive.

The curtains covering the front room window had never been designed for complete privacy so by standing toward the center of the room, I could see clearly anything in the driveway. There was enough light that I could see the blond tussled hair of the male driver and the bare skin of shoulders and breasts of my wife Sandy sitting close to him. They started making out as soon as the truck stopped and then without a lot of urging her head bent toward his groin and I could see she was taking his naked prick into her mouth. I was sickened and frozen to my spot as I watched the unmistakable signs of sexual release of the guys face, and then she sat back up and slowly put her clothes back on.

I had been ready to charge out the door to attack the truck driving shit, but held back because what I really wanted and needed most urgently was to be alone with Sandy, now while the emotion and evidence of her adultery was fresh and undeniable. She was the one I wanted to deal with, and I didn’t want the shit head there for distraction at the moment. As she prepared to leave the truck, I returned to my seat to wait.

I had had a lot of time to get ready for her arrival, and had been quite calm before they showed up. Now I struggled to bring my anger under control as she fumbled with her keys. She stepped into the house and stood still for a moment while she accustomed herself to the darkness. I watched her there, just the dark silhouette of the woman who I had promised to make my life with. In that strange instant, I felt a calmness cover me and knew that in many respects this was a stranger in my house. Not necessarily a threatening or menacing one, just someone who was curiously unknown to me and to my kids. She turned on the small lamp at the end of the couch and then jumped back almost afraid as she sensed then saw my presence. We both stared at each other for a moment, I’m sure she was more uncomfortable than I was and then I simply asked her what was going on. When she asked what I meant, and what I thought I knew, I gave her a brief summary of the highlights from my interviews and discoveries during the past few days.

We spent a lot of time that night talking about what I knew and Sandy cried a lot as well as she reluctantly confessed much of what I didn’t know. An interesting thing happened during all of this that night, the longer we went on and the more she said, the more she seemed to try to hold back. Not just details of her confession, more to the point it was her explanation and justification for the behavior if there was one. When she admitted to having sex with Darren, it was because he seduced her, almost against her will, because she was vulnerable.

She couldn’t say there was a problem with my love making technique or admit the problem was with her perception and attitude toward it, but obviously there was something, and she was unsatisfied if she was “vulnerable” as she said. All I could do was open the door and let her wrestle with the demons within. I couldn’t cure her, neither was I inclined to destroy her. Important choices were in her court, and the choices she made by herself would determine if she would bet let back into our world to participate in the adventure of life with us. As you may have learned in Sandy’s story, ultimately she couldn’t make those necessary choices.

I felt sorry for Sandy and for our kids more than I felt sorry for me when the divorce was finalized. How do you explain to young children, that the person who gave them life more than anything else couldn’t be there all of the time for them while they grew up? My biggest concern was to make sure they knew it was not their fault that their mother and father couldn’t live together, and that their mother still loved and valued them even though they would live with me. Tyler and Jessica were still confused, and missed seeing Sandy every day terribly, but she took the time to come by often so we could both make the adjustment for them as easily as possible.

There were a lot of anxious moments throughout that year with the divorce procedure and adjustments to be made. To the best of my knowledge, Sandy never saw her contractor boy friend after the night I confronted her. He was a bit of a problem for her because he tried to force his way back into her shambled life. I contacted the company Sandy worked for with Teri’s assistance and let them know what had been going on. I even told them I would sue them for a share of responsibility in the destroyed marriage if they didn’t aggressively look into the probability of financial mismanagement and abuse on his part since he held some control over the one authorizing payments.

When they asked how I would react to possible action against Sandy, I simply told them she was an adult, and if she did something wrong she needed to be held responsible like anyone else. They thanked me for the information and promised to keep me informed throughout their process. Sandy probably lost her job with the company largely on my account, but it didn’t add to the problems between us. They sued Darren for abuses they could document and eventually ran him out of business in the process.

I know Sandy went through some real depression for a period, and things got pretty desperate for her, but she pulled herself out and went back to work. I just shook my head when I found out she was working as a stripper at a nude exotic dance club. It didn’t surprise me. The day after the confrontation I was approached by one of my fellow workers. The guy was arrogant and petty and spent more time complaining about everything around him than in making valuable use of his time.

He didn’t have much use for me and I knew it; “apple polisher” was one of the terms he regularly used to describe me. I think it pissed him off that I was usually selected to take the responsible lead in projects. He thought he was more capable but always overlooked, and resented being forced to work under my direction.

On the day in question, he was trying to hide a huge grin about something he thought would really get my goat. He placed a pair of sheer sexy panties in my hand and said, “I thought you would want to get these panties back to you wife Ted. She lost them at Lamar’s (the strip joint) last night.”

“Thanks Dickey.” I said without batting an eye (his name was Richard). “I’m sure she’ll be glad to get them back.” In side I was fuming but I think I pulled it off without letting him see me upset. With all I already knew and the things Sandy had confessed to the night before, it didn’t really surprise me, it was just one more component of damming evidence in the pile. Sandy had later admitted to stripping naked when I confronted her. Much later she admitted to her powerful exhibitionistic desires and confessed that she really enjoyed being the object of sexual interest from so many men.

As Sandy told you, she stripped at Lamar’s and on the road for about seven years, and made a lot of money in the process. I can only imagine how active her sex life was during that time. We never talked about that when we saw each other with or without the kids. When Tyler and Jessica were both teenagers, each one of them learned more details of their mother’s adventures and activities.

When they found a little information on Sandy’s behavior on their own they each separately asked me about it, they were ready for the whole story. I spared no detail, and at the same time made no accusations or bitter judgments. I let them both know that I had loved their mother deeply and would never deny it, accordingly I assured them that I loved her still, just like they did. When Jessica asked how I could still love their mother in spite of how she hurt me I said that Sandy had really hurt herself more than anyone else, and that no good purpose was served by me denying the good and honest love I had committed to her from the beginning.

I would still love Sandy, or anyone that I ever truly loved. I took a loving hold of Jessica’s shoulders and looked her square in the eye. “Know this Jessica, I will always love you like this as well. Nothing can ever change that.”

Tears cascaded from Jessie’s eyes, as we held each other more tightly and securely than ever before. When we could finally speak again, she looked up at me through sparkling eyes, “I love you daddy, and I always will too.” “That’s great honey.” I said. “Never turn your back on love. That’s one thing there is no limit on. The more you have the more you can get, and whenever you put any of it back on the shelf, it will leave a hole inside that can’t ever be filled by anything else again. Make sure you always love your mother as well, I don’t want to see any holes in you.”

We’ve always been close as a family, with Sandy in it or not. Her leaving left a big hole, but it was the kind of hole that can be filled back up. A year and a half later I met someone else who lit up my life again. Her name was Maria Elena Para. She had grown up in southern California and moved to Idaho when she was going to college. When she finished school she stayed in the area and worked. She was twenty six when we met, and I was like everyone around her, instantly taken in by her warmth and genuine love of life.

The company I worked for did a lot of business with the organization she was with. We met by accident one day when someone I was working with suggested we go down a certain corridor because there was a hot looking chick he wanted to see up close. We did and we met; I was impressed enough to make sure I remembered her name but still not anxious to jump back into a relationship quite yet. A week or two later I was in the same building again and as I passed the office she was in I saw her sitting at a desk. She hadn’t seen me, but there was a thrill that picked me up and that old nervousness associated with the mating dance that made me pause in the hallway. The impulse grew, and compelled me to turn around; I went back to her office and peered through the doorway. “Hi,” I said. “You’re Maria, isn’t that right?” “That’s right.” She said with a warm smile, “and you’re Ted.” My heart actually fluttered when I heard her speak my name, I was flattered that she had remembered.