Future of Porn

The plane landed n Houston without incident, but still my heart hammered as if we were crashing thousands of feet into the ground. When the forward hatch opened with a whoosh I was both relieved and even more terrified. This was it! I thought that maybe I could stay on the plane and use my return ticket right now, never leaving the seat. I knew that I couldn’t do that and slowly pulled myself together and to my feet.

I was the last of the First Class off the plane and made my way slowly up the ramp to the terminal As I entered the concourse waiting area I heard my name called and turn to see David standing there. Evidently in Houston money and power buy you security clearance. I guess it does everywhere. I swallowed, gulped is more accurate, and made my way to him.

He looked good, tall, fit and kind of handsome in a rugged way. He had the look of a man who had worked hard, without care if he got some dirt on him, then did his best to clean up for the show. I already knew he had strong rough hands that could touch you as lightly as a feather, and arms that could fold you to him with unbreakable strength and not disturb a hair. I knew that he would be equally at ease in a bar room brawl, or between silk sheets.

He looked happy, as if greeting a long gone friend, not an employee he had met and hired only a week ago. Ok, so I wasn’t the normal employee, and this wasn’t the conventional job, but still he really did look glad to see me.

I felt like a teenage girl, nervous, unsure and blushing. I was surprised I wasn’t wobbling in my four-inch heels. I made my way to him holding my head high and smiling in return. He took my hand when I reached him.

“You certainly look happy,” I greeted him.

“I was just congratulating myself on my good taste and judgement,” he replied, “shall we go?”

I fell into step beside him as he led me through the concourse and out to the waiting car area. He held my hand and we walked close enough that my flouncing skirt brushed his leg. I could feel the free movement of my breasts under the blouse and I was very aware that my nipples were again firm at the tips of my breasts.

“Damn this guy gets to me!” I thought as we stepped along.

I knew that we were drawing the attention of others. Those approaching glanced at us repeatedly, eyeing my legs striding under the short skirt and the little circles drawn by my nipples in the blouse. I knew as they passed they turned to watch from behind. I could feel the stares and sense the pleasure that many of them took from looking at me. I guess I made a nice distraction in an otherwise hectic afternoon for them.

The limousine was waiting at the curb with David’s rough-cut aide, Mel, standing at the back door ready to open it for us. As we approached Mel opened the door wide and smiled a warm greeting at me.

“Welcome back Ms. Jackie!” he said cheerfully.

I tiptoed up and gave him a reciprocal welcoming peck on his cheek, “Thank you Mel.”

David held my hand as I slid into the car paying careful attention to my skirt. I wasn’t trying to keep it down, just the opposite, I wanted to insure that it rode high.

The smile on his face told me my mission was accomplished. I slid over the leather seats and David slipped in next to me.

Mel drove expertly, slipping gracefully through traffic with almost no upset for the passengers. Soon we were out of the airport and moving along smoothly over the freeway toward Houston and my new home.

“You did really well Jackie,” David said as we rode along, “your nails look great and I like the color you picked.”

“When the girl in the salon asked what color I wanted I just couldn’t resist,” I told him with a grin, “I told her Whore Red.”

His laugh was real and deep, and contagious. Still laughing I told him the rest.

“As for the other request I had to get my roommate to help me with that.”

“Marianne, isn’t it,” he asked surprising me a little with his knowledge of my life.

“Yes, she was really great to me, a good friend.”

“Well from the little I’ve seen so far it looks like she did a good job for you,” he teased.

“Oh she did that alright. Now I need to go back and change my answer to one of your interview questions though.” I knew I had to tell him about Marianne and now was as good a time as any.

“Oh, what question is that?” he asked.

“The one about having ever been with another woman,” I said quietly.

“Oh, so you and Marianne said goodbye?”

With more than a slight trace of sadness in my voice I replied, “It was more like I just met her for the first time.”

“Don’t be sad, Jackie,” he said softly, placing a hand on my shoulder, “you’ll be seeing her again.”

“I know.”

He continued, “The thing I am most pleased with is that you picked the right clothes to wear today.”

“Yeah,” I scolded him, “your note was a little ambiguous! I figured if I was going to have to guess what you wanted I would err on the side of caution.”

I moved to the rear facing seat in the large car and sat directly across from him. I place my knees outside his, knowing it would please him. I reached across his lap and took his hand in mine.

“David I have only known you a few hours really. I can’t read you yet, tell what you want or need. A month from now you will only need a word or two for me to understand you, and in six months I will be able to predict what you want, how you want it and be there when you need me. In the meantime please bear with me if I seem a little dense, ok?”

“So far you have done wonderfully, but yeah, I understand. That brings up another thing we need to talk about,” he went on. “The way I see it there are two ways we can go about this. I can let you ease into things and take your time adapting over a few weeks. Let you get used to your new job and duties a little at a time.”

I cut him off, “David, that won’t work, That would be like tiptoeing into cold water. There is only one way to get wet, jump in head first!”

He smiled, “That was the other option.”

He went on, “Seeing as how you mentioned head and first. I have been thinking since we went to dinner last week what it would feel like to have your mouth on me.”

“Jump in girl, the waters fine!” I mumbled and slipped to my knees between the seats. Slowly I undid his belt, then snap, then zipper. I pulled the slacks down to find no underwear, just a very hard David that honestly I had been wondering about too.

“You told me you had a big sex drive,” I said looking up at him, “you damn sure weren’t kidding were you?”

“Close the divider please Mel,” he said.

“David you don’t have to do that for my sake,” I told him.

He looked at me for a couple of seconds, then said, “It’s more for our safety then your privacy Jackie. I want Mel watching the road, not us.”

“Oh, good idea,” I replied and lowered my head to him as the dividing window rose separating us from Mel.

I took as much of him as I could in one long slow glide over his warm flesh. I hadn’t been teasing, he was big, larger than any of the boyfriends I had in the past. My best guess at that time was over seven inches and later proved to be seven and a half.

Again I looked at him. “You can tell me when to stop, or not,” I said, giving him permission.

I placed my hands on his bare thighs and felt the hairy strength of them under my touch. He threaded his finger into my hair and very gently described the rhythm that he liked. I slipped up and down him in steady motion and soon his hands just lightly followed my bobbing head.

I heard the whine of an electric motor and felt my hair lift and flutter in the wind. He had opened the side window. The comforting presence of privacy glass was now tucked down into the door. The wind rushed in and I knew it carried the gaze of passing spectators with it.

I was well down in the car and no one could see who I was, just what I was doing. I hesitated as the realization overcame me, but just briefly. David’s hands offered a gentle nudge and I resumed my steady pace on him.

I really wanted to just go wild on his hard dick. Remember it had been a year since I had sex with a man, and this was one hell of a man. He was as hard as life and as warm as love under my mouth. I wanted to gobble him up and devour him whole. This was for him though, not me, and I held myself in check.

I felt the car slow and take an exit from the freeway. It slowed some more and then stopped at what I assumed was a traffic light. The open window hadn’t been forgotten, just put to the back of my mind. Now it raced into my thoughts screaming at me. Moving down the freeway at high speed was one thing, now stopped at an intersection there could be a car pulled up next to us, or even a pedestrian on the sidewalk watching my handiwork.

David didn’t say or do anything to indicate that I should stop. I know he could feel my gulps around his dick and maybe he liked them. I was beginning to shake now, from fear and from my own pent up desires. The public exposure was part of it I am sure, but that scared me more than excited me I thought.

As we pulled away from the light David’s hips began to rise and fall from the seat. He soon matched the tempo of my bobbing head with a rhythm of his own. I felt his thighs tighten under my hands and his hips rise, not falling again. Then he flooded me. I kept just the tip of him in my mouth and let him fill me. I swallowed, he refilled my oral depository and I swallowed again. The warm and sharp taste of him almost made me choke, but I held on and managed to finish without losing any of his seed to the expensive upholstery.

I rose from my place on the carpet and took my seat again facing him. He was leaning his head back on the seat top and had a look of satisfaction on his relaxed face. “He should have,” I thought.

“Why don’t you fix us a drink,” he said sounding a little breathless. “The bar is in the back of the front seat on the other side. You could probably use on and I know I could.”

I really could use the drink, or mouth wash, whatever he had. I fixed a couple of straight bourbons and handed him his.

He looked around and said, “We’ll be home in a few minutes.”

We passed a sign that said River Oaks and turned into a secluded and high priced neighborhood.

“I used to live in Tanglewood, but that got to be a real hassle with George and Martha Bush living just down the street. The Secret Service was all over the place. When GW came to visit the place turned into a zoo.”

“Don’t get me wrong,” he continued, “I like George, but it is a real pain in the ass being friends with someone whose life is always under a microscope.”

“You know the President?” I asked incredulous.

“Yeah, in fact we are having diner there next month.”

“Where, at the house in Tanglewood?” I asked hoping I was right and the other house was not the destination.

“No, at the White House,” he said simply. “Don’t worry, you will be the best dressed lady there. I wouldn’t want to do anything to embarrass the President”

He was telling this to a girl he just had give him a blowjob with the windows down.

We were pulling through a gated entry in a high stone fence and up a short circular driveway. We stopped at the front entry and Mel quickly came around the car to let us out. David held my hand as I made my exit and once again I was rewarded with a great smile for my effort at the lack of modesty.

As we climbed the short entry stairway David was telling me, “I am sort of making the rules up as we go along here. There are quite a few things that I already know, some I have told you. The rest I will let you know about as we need them. I don’t want to overwhelm you or scare you off.”

That sounded ominous. Just inside the foyer the house opened up into a great open living room. There were massive windows on the opposite wall overlooking the landscaped yard. The house led off to either side in windowed hallways that opened onto other rooms. The staircase was an open curve of carved wood and marble steps. It was a fabulous house by any standards.

“The first rule of the house Jackie,” David began, “is that whenever you enter it you take off your outer clothing. The only exception to this is if I specifically tell you not to. Most times you will be wearing little or nothing under them. I told you I like to look at beautiful women and this is part of it.”

Mel had gone upstairs ahead of us with my travel bag and I assumed he was taking it to my new room. We were alone in the foyer.

“You mean all the time,” I asked.

“Yes, here and at my other houses too,” David replied calmly.

I shrugged off my blouse and stepped out of my skirt. “What about shoes and stockings?” I asked him.

“I like a girl in heels,” he smiled, so those can stay on. Actually I prefer that they do, and that you wear heels whenever I am around.”

I gave a start when I heard a voice from behind me. “Good afternoon, Mr. David.”

I turned to see a woman about twenty years my senior standing there in a housekeepers dress.

“I’ll take those for you Ma’am,” the Southern accent volunteered. “You must be Ms. Jackie.”

Feeling more naked than ever before in my life I handed the prim woman my two articles of clothing.

“This is Mrs. Costner,” David began, “she has been my housekeeper for years.”

He continued the introduction, “Mrs. Costner, this is Jackie. Jackie, Mrs. Costner will see to most of your daily needs, meals, laundry, that sort of thing.”

I stood there unable at first to speak, finally I managed a “Pleased to meet you.”

“Come on I will show you your new room,” David said starting toward the stairs.

My room was magnificent. It would have qualified as the master room in most homes. The center of one wall was taken up by a huge, canopied four poster bed. The rest of the furnishings were obviously first quality and expensive. The adjoining bath was just as nice. The tub was big enough for two, the shower even lager and it had multiple shower heads, four of them to cover every inch of you at once. The vanity was a long granite top with good mirrors and lighting.

“This is your room Jackie. No one will come in here but me, and I won’t enter it unless you invite me. This is your place, your sanctuary.”

David walked to the dresser and opened one of the nine draws. This one was filled with stockings, all colors, all kinds. The next draw held panties. There was twenty or maybe thirty pair in there of all designs, none with modesty as the first requirement. The next was bras. They all shared a common quality, they were ultra sheer, or only half cup. Everything was eye candy for a horny man.

In the armoire he showed me negligées and lingerie like teddies and bustiers, garter belts and body stockings. Last he led me to he walk in closet. It was bigger than most apartments. There hung an assortment of blouses and skirts, tank tops and dresses. One wall section was a shoe rack and it was partly filled with high heels of various types. Slippers, sandal and pumps in assorted colors lined up waiting for me.

“When did you have time to do all this shopping?” I asked him amazed.

“I didn’t, Mrs. Costner did.”

That embarrassed me even more than standing nude in front of her. She not only knew the nature of my job, but the tools of my new trade.

“Let me give you a tour of the house,” David said.

On the way back down the stairs we came across Mel. With a sly grin he said, “Did I tell you how nice it is to see you again?”

What else could I do under the circumstances, I laughed. “Yeah, thanks Mel. It looks like you will be seeing a lot of me around here!”

David led me around the house showing off the great kitchen, the game room, his bedroom and study, the library and the guest rooms. We ended up at the patio doors off the main living area and from there he took me outside to see the wonderfully crafted back yard complete with pool and out door kitchen.

He sat at one of the wrought iron patio tables and I joined him. Mrs. Costner came with drinks.

“She can almost read my mind,” he told me. “She claims to be related to Kevin, but I don’t believe her.”

“Anything else Mr. David?” she asked giving him a sour look.

“No, thank you Mrs. Costner, you can go if you like.”

Turning to me he added, “She is the only one who calls me Mr. David. Everyone else uses David or Mr. Scott. She won’t call me David and I won’t let her call me Mr. Scott so we compromise. She’s a tough bird.”

The afternoon December air in Houston was in the 70’s and very comfortable after the frigid New York weather. Sitting naked in the cushioned chair was relaxing. I couldn’t remember the last time I had been outdoors nude. Probably when I was talked into skinny dipping in high school.

“In all the excitement you might have forgotten that this is Christmas Eve,” David said.

I hadn’t, but I had put it aside for now thinking that things would take care of themselves.

“I’ve got you a special Christmas ensemble to set the mood and celebrate the Holiday. Tonight we will go out to eat and then come home to wait for Santa. Why don’t you take a little nap and I will wake you in a couple of hours.”

I left David sitting there and made my way toward my new room. Through an open doorway I spotted Mel and Mrs. Costner leaning against the countertop in the kitchen. I knew I would have to face them without David sooner or later so I turned in there.

“Mrs. Costner,” I said on entering the room, “Could I have a small glass of water please/”

“Of course you can Sweetie,” she said cheerfully. I had expected anything but that.

She handed me the glass and smiled. “Me. Jackie you are by far the prettiest woman that Mr. David has ever brought to this house. I bet that you are a real lady too. I don’t know how or why you got involved in his silly game Sweetie, but don’t let him frighten you. He is really a good man. He has just been hurt in the past. The last two Mrs.’. Scott have been, if you’ll pardon the expression, real bitches.”

I felt such a relief knowing that I wasn’t going to have an adversary in her.

“As long as you treat him right Mel and I will do all we can to help you. Of course Mel, being the MAN that he is, thinks Mr. David’s new game is great. I’m not so sure.”

Mel just smiled without denial. I was I a stranger in a strange city, naked and involved in something I didn’t fully comprehend, but I had found two friends. Life was good. I expressed my thanks and went up to my room.

The phone next to my bed rang. I looked at the clock and noticed I had been sleeping four hours.

“Hi Jackie,” I was David’s voice, “when you’ve had a few minutes to wake up would you join us in the living room?”

Instinctively the words came from my mouth, “Naked?’ Then I thought a second and continued ,”never mind, that was a silly question. I’ll be down in a few.”

I brushed my teeth, washed my face and took care of the other necessities then entered the closet and found a pair of heels I liked. I slipped then, crossed the room and going through the door walked back into my new life.

Walking down the open staircase I had no idea who or how many people were in the room below me. I felt a rush of excitement and fear as I stepped lower and lower.

“There she is,” I heard David say, “come on in Jackie, Mel will get you something to drink. Juice or tea ok with you?”

Mel rose and crossed to the kitchen as I moved to David and bent over to kiss him on the cheek.

“I thought you might have company,” I said with relief.

“Just Mel and me right now,” he said, “Do you think I’d let you walk into a room full of people in your birthday suit?”

I looked at him grinning like a kid at a birthday suit party, “Of course I do.” I told him.

I loved his laugh, he was free with it and when it came out it was always real.

“You’re probably right!” he laughed.

“Ah, yes, so you should. She is a gorgeous woman.”

I learned that the other two women’s names were Felicia and Rosaria. Although I could not converse directly with either one of them, Julia happily acted as an interpreter, and it was soon revealed to me that these women were not only beautiful, but highly intelligent and savvy business people. If Forbes magazine had ever decided to do a swimsuit edition, these three would have certainly made the front cover.

Stephan and I shared a quick drink together before Bonnie came by and stole me away from him, demanding that there were other people for me to meet.

“You’ll have plenty of time to be with him later,” she said. “He’s planning on staying for a few weeks.”

“I know. He told me,” I said, reluctantly letting go of his hand.

As we walked from room to room I noticed very quickly that there were far more women than men. In fact, I did not notice any other males outside of Philip, Stephan, Craig, and Barney. Carlo, and the other two male servants, did not count, as they were there to serve, not to participate. Most of these women were friends and business acquaintances of Bonnie’s, some of whom I knew. When I asked her why there weren’t any more men, she winked at me and said that it was “girls night out,” and left it at that.

During the course of the next hour, she had introduced me to roughly a little over one hundred women, varying in ages from eighteen to seventy, and representing a motley assortment of ethnicities. One woman, however, made an indelible impression upon me. Her name was Phoebe Anjou, a beautiful, blonde American businesswoman who had married a French duke and who now made her home in a castle on the outskirts of Paris. Beyond the fact that she was beautiful, she possessed a very keen mind and a commanding presence; being dressed in a white sheet serving to heighten her allure rather than detract from it. Her daughter, Angelique, was a spin-off of her mother, and every bit as forthright, if not more so. At eighteen, she was a force to be reckoned with.

“Don’t be taken in by that nobility crap,” the girl told me, making sure her mother was out of earshot. “My mom’s family is originally from Los Angeles. You know, typical upper middle class.”

“She seems to have done very well for herself,” I said.

“My dad’s a real duke. She met him in Paris and that’s where they fell in love. Pretty romantic huh?”

“I would say so.”

She looked at me for a moment, pondering what to say.

“You know, maybe you could come visit us sometime. My mom’s always throwing parties and stuff. She’s a pretty important person you know.”

“I’m sure she is,” I replied. “I’ll think about it. Thanks for the invitation.”

I actually got to talk to Phoebe, as she insisted I call her, not long afterward. I found her unassuming and a pleasant conversationalist, although there were times I could have pictured her in a latex suit brandishing a whip.

“Yes, my daughter is very much like me,” she began, laughing. “The two of us like to control things—our businesses, our relationships…our men. But then again, I hear you do too.”

I was a bit put off by her insinuation.

“I’ve been called a control freak by some,” I admitted, reluctantly. “But that pertains to my work.”

“You must be very proud of your achievements,” she said.

“You know about my experiments?”

“Only from what Bonnie and Philip have told me,” she replied. “Do you enjoy being in control?”

“In my professional life I have no choice,” I answered. “But in my personal affairs, yes, I suppose I do. But sometimes it’s nice to let others take the reins.”

I could feel that she was testing the waters with me, as if trying to find some common ground upon which she could forge some kind of connection. The issue of control seemed to be of special concern to her.

“I don’t know if Angelique told you,” she began, “but I am quite involved in civic affairs back in my own country. My husband is an extremely powerful man and through him I have become involved in many philanthropic activities promoting social welfare. There is a society of women, mostly made up of people such as yourself—doctors, lawyers, social workers, celebrities, and many other people from various disciplines—who get together several times a year at my chateau to talk business and to enjoy themselves. I think you would find it most interesting.”

“Your daughter did mention something about it. What exactly takes place at these meetings?”

“I would not call them ‘meetings’ as such,” she answered. “They are more like social engagements, a fraternity of like-minded individuals who share common interests.”

“I see. Has my sister ever attended one of your ‘engagements’?”

“No, unfortunately. But I think you would enjoy it. We are having our next get together around the middle of September. If you would like to attend, let Bonnie know and I will forward all the information to her.”

She took a sip of her drink and smiled.

I felt that behind her seemingly innocent invitation there was more, much more, she wasn’t telling me. I searched her face for any sign of a clue, but she simply stared back at me, smiling complacently.

“Is there any particular reason you want me to come?” I asked bluntly.

“As I told you,” she said evasively. “I think you would enjoy it.”

I questioned Bonnie about Phoebe’s invitation, but there was little she could tell me, having never been a part of the woman’s secretive-sounding club. She did say, however, that Phoebe was well respected and much loved in her own country, having been behind the funding of many useful social services for the young and underprivileged. Intrigued as I was, I decided to learn more about this seemingly enigmatic and fascinating woman before making any commitment to attend her little ‘get together’.

I spent the next few hours socializing with friends and guests, Stephan close by my side. Philip and Bonnie were the perfect hosts, making certain that my belated celebration wanted for nothing. The dinner they had prepared was a sumptuous repast, with a choice of several entrees and carefully chosen wines from their local vineyard. Everyone, it seemed, was having a splendid time.

When dinner was over, Bonnie ordered her servants to bring out my birthday cake. After enduring a mostly off-key rendition of “Happy Birthday,” I was then allowed to open my gifts as we sat and had our dessert and espresso. I received many lovely and rather expensive gifts, but the one that made me most happy was the one bestowed upon me by Stephan. It was an architectural drawing—and artist’s conception of my new Clinic, whose construction was now fully underway. His law firm had handled the negotiations for the project and, through his persistent efforts, succeeded in getting work on the structure begun months earlier than originally scheduled.

“I don’t know what to say,” I said to Stephan, as my eyes filled with tears.

He looked at me and smiled lovingly.

Rebecca, who was sitting to my immediate right, suddenly got up and took the picture from me and began passing it around.

“Here everybody, have a look,” she said.

She then took my hand and offered me a napkin to wipe my eyes.

“What my dear friend means to say is that she thinks all of us are simply wonderful and she thanks everyone from the bottom of her heart. Right sweetie?”

“Right sweetie,” I replied between sobs.

“A toast!” Bonnie said, raising her glass, to which everyone else joined in. “To my little sister. The most beautiful woman I know.”

“Here’s to you beautiful!” Stephan added.

After all the remnants of dinner had been removed, Bonnie made an announcement.

“Okay,” she began, “the servants have been discharged for the night and the fun is now about to begin. Let’s move this whole thing out onto the veranda everybody. It’s time to party!”

Everybody made a mass exodus for the doors that led out onto the tiled portico, which was now festooned with all sorts of birthday favors and decorations. Rows of colored floodlights provided an intense but harsh illumination as the sound of disco music came blaring through the loud speakers. Dozens of tables and chairs had been set up on the borders of the dance area making the whole portico look like a nightclub. In a matter of seconds the entire group of celebrants poured out onto the veranda and began dancing to the music.

“Aren’t you going to dance?” asked Angelique, who had appeared suddenly from behind the colonnade.

“I’m not much of a dancer,” I said.

“But it’s your birthday,” she replied, taking my hand in hers. “Come on Christiana. Don’t be shy.”

She began to pull me toward the dance floor, but I gently pulled my hand away.

“Maybe later,” I said, a bit unnerved by the girl’s boldness.

“Okay,” she said, seemingly unconcerned.

I watched her as she ran into the crowd, disappearing into the mass of gyrating bodies.

“She’s a lot like her mother. Always has to have things her way.”

Philip took a sip of wine and looked out over the sea of bobbing heads. He seemed quite inebriated.

“Better sit down or you’ll fall down,” I advised him.

“Don’t worry about me dear sister-in-law,” he replied, briefly losing his footing. “I have to leave you now. I have to get ready for my big entrance.”

“What are you talking about?”

“Can’t tell you that. Oh no. Bonnie would have my head.”

“Another one of her extravaganzas?” I said with some misgivings.

“What did you expect? It’s your birthday!”

He turned to leave.

“Philip, what do you know about Phoebe Anjou?”

He chuckled at the mention of her name.

“Let’s put it this way,” he said. “She uses men like she uses toilet paper. Does that tell you enough?”

He didn’t wait for me to reply as I watched him stumble back into the house. I wondered under what set of circumstances he had been led to that conclusion. From what Bonnie had told me, she was a kind, though controlling, benefactress. But his perception of her was a distinctly negative one. I could only surmise that the truth lay somewhere between the two extremes.

From behind me I heard the sound of laughter. I turned around to find Maria, Michelle, Cheryl, Lynette, and Rebecca headed toward the dance floor.

“Better watch out, Chris,” Michelle said. “Bonnie’s got something planned for you.”

“There’s nothing she can do that would surprise me.”

“Oh, I wouldn’t be too sure about that!” Lynette replied.

All of them laughed.

“Have any of you seen Stephan?” I asked.

“He’s with Craig and the rest of the guys,” Cheryl replied.

“Well, what are they doing?”

“Getting ready for the show, what else?” Maria answered.

“What show?” I asked as they sauntered off onto the dance floor.

Rebecca answered me by waving one of her special tubes of lipstick in the air.

“Gonna be a whole lot of shakin’ goin’ on tonight, Chris!” she said, laughing.

They were all drunk and I had barely consumed a half glass of wine. I suddenly felt like a stranger at my own party.

I went back into the house to find Bonnie talking excitedly with Sheila and Jennifer.

“She’s going to love it. Trust me,” she said to the two women.

“What am I going to love?” I asked her.

“Hey!” she said. “You’re not supposed to be here. Now get out there and start having some fun.”

“Oh, please Bonnie. You don’t have to do this.”

“Do what? Did Philip open his big mouth?”

“He doesn’t have to say anything. I know you.”

Sheila looked at me and frowned. “And you were doing so well up to now,” she said, with a disappointed look.

“It’s not that I don’t appreciate it,” I said. “It’s just that I kind of wanted to spend some time with Stephan…alone.”

“You’re going to have a chance to see plenty of him right now,” Jennifer said coyly.

“I don’t like the sound of that.” I turned to Bonnie. “We’re not going to celebrate with another three-ring circus now are we?”

“Look, sis,” Bonnie said. “He’s the one who volunteered to do this so please don’t give me a hard time. You’re going to spend two whole weeks with the man, so what the hell are you complaining about?”

“Okay, fine,” I said. “But there better not be a midget or a cannon in sight.”

As I left I heard Bonnie say, “I love her but sometimes she can be so…I don’t know…prissy!”

Okay, so maybe I was a little ‘prissy,’ as she said. Maybe if I had more of a penchant for alcohol, like most of them did, I would be less prissy. The truth of the matter was that I really didn’t want to be a part of another one of Bonnie’s mega productions. Her birthday party had been eventful enough, and somewhere in the back of my mind I had harbored thoughts that this celebration may conceal unpleasant experiences that, like hers, were just waiting for the right moment to be revealed. I was especially concerned with how Stephan would react to my sister’s tendencies toward lasciviousness. He was, after all, quite modest, and I feared that she might have talked him into doing something he would have preferred not to do, but did anyway to please me.

I sat outside on the veranda watching the people dance but not feeling inclined to do so myself. My friends came over to me at intervals, trying to persuade me to join them on the dance floor, but I declined them every time. At last, after a whole half hour had passed, Rebecca came over and sat down next to me. I could tell she was concerned as well as annoyed.

“Here you are, sitting by yourself with that sad look on your face, and everyone thinks you’re having a miserable time, including me,” she said firmly. “Now what the hell is troubling you Chris? This is your birthday party for Christ’s sake!”

“I’m sorry Rebecca,” I replied. “I know you don’t think I’m happy, but I am, really. I’m just…overwhelmed.”

“Overwhelmed by what?”

I sat quietly for a few moments staring into my soda.

“Don’t tell me. It’s Stephan isn’t it?” she asked.

“Yes.”

“Well what’s the problem Chris? You love him? You don’t love him? What?”

“It’s just that I’ve never had a man love me the way he does. It’s such a powerful love. Sometimes I feel like I’m going to lose myself in it.”

She laughed. “So that’s it! You’re afraid of joining the rest of us mere mortals when we, through no conscious effort of our own, dare to put our hearts on the line and love somebody unconditionally. You’re afraid of losing your precious control.”

“I suppose I am.”

“Well, I only have one word of advice for you Chris: lose it! Lose control! You’re living in one of the most romantic spots in the whole world. All you have to do is let go, and let this place work its magic on you.”

“I have felt its magic Rebecca. I have felt it. Believe me. And that’s what’s so scary about it. It’s beautiful and scary at the same time.”

“Of course it is, Chris!” she said. “All of life is beautiful and scary. And love is the most beautiful and scariest thing of all. Whenever you really love somebody, it’s like putting all your cards on the table. You’re saying to that person, ‘Here I am, no tricks.’ And if that person really loves you back, then you win. If not, then you deal another hand. But if you refuse to deal, then you’re not playing in the game of life at all. Don’t be one of those people.”

As she finished her speech, she placed her hand over mine and stared at me with her intense blue eyes. She might have been a little drunk but her intent was clear.

“Do you remember that night when I kissed you?” I said.

“Yes,” she replied.

“I never told you this, but I enjoyed it.”

“I know,” she said, caressing my hand. “Come on. Let’s get up and dance.”

Sometimes people are their own worst enemies. And this was no less true than in my own case. Capri had been a liberating experience for me, for I had allowed myself to open my heart and mind to its enchanting influence. But falling in love meant surrendering part of yourself to another living being: the individual identity coalescing and losing itself within the greater whole. And this fear of losing is what Rebecca had so astutely recognized. She saw that I was standing in my own way.

For years, she and Bonnie, and most of my other friends, had tried in vain to get me to come out of my shell. But my work always came first, most often to the detriment of my social life. During the entire seven years in which I toiled day after day to create EJAX-472, I had enjoyed no real relationships, forgoing these things in favor of the vision I slavishly sought to bring to reality even at the cost of my own personal happiness. But now I was beginning to undergo a radical shift in my thinking about the way in which I had chosen to live my life.

As I danced with Rebecca in my arms, our bare feet flying over the cool tiles of the portico, I tilted my head back and allowed her to take me by my wrists and whirl me around and around, faster and faster, until the floodlights and hanging lanterns became a blurry mass of dazzling colors that swirled around my head with such dizzying intensity that I became lost in the blazing conflagration of light. And, as I abandoned myself to the intoxicating rhythms of the music and the heady night air, I began to experience a gradual melting away of the nameless terror under whose shadow I had lived for so long. Watching the faces of my friends as they laughed and danced about me, clapping their hands and urging me on as I now danced without any partner at all, I finally realized that my love for Stephan did not mean that my own identity and sense of purpose had to be compromised. But rather that by joining together, we would create something even far more magical and profound than anything I could ever hope to envision in the sterile laboratory which had become my heart. And when the music finally came to an end, and a startled Rebecca and my other friends struggled to pick me up off the floor, drenched in sweat and overcome with joy, I knew that the person who strangely resembled me, whom I recognized as my enemy, would have no dominion over me any longer. Because the next time I saw that person coming, I would step out of the way.

“Oh, my God, look at you!” Michelle said, delighted to find me in such a bedeviled state. “Are you drunk?”

I was laughing so hard I couldn’t even reply. And then suddenly, I saw my sister Bonnie looking down upon me from above, her face twisted into a puzzled grin.

“What the fuck are you doing sis?” she said as if admonishing a child.

“I’m sitting here on the floor on my ass!” I replied, with images still swimming before my eyes.

“I can see that!” Bonnie said, as she grabbed my arm and helped me to my feet. “You’re really something.” She reached for a chair. “Here, sit down.”

At this point, several of my friends had gathered around me, curious as to why I was behaving in such an unusual manner.

“She doesn’t look drunk to me,” Sheila said, as she looked me in the eye.

“No Sheila, I’m not,” I replied, in a giddy voice.

“Then what is it?’ Bonnie demanded to know. “Why are you acting so crazy?”

I thought it funny for my sister to ask me such as question: she, herself, epitomizing the sexually debauched wild woman of her own recent birthday celebration.

“If you want to blame anybody,” I said, pointing at Rebecca. “Blame her.”

“What the hell are you talking about Chris?” Rebecca said, as all eyes focused on her.

“You know damn well what I’m talking about,” I replied. “That little speech you gave me. It woke me up. You made me realize that I’ve been living in a box. And I don’t want to live in a box anymore Bonnie. I want to be like the rest of you. I want to be just as loose and carefree and crazy as you are. Is that so hard to understand?”

My sister’s gaze fell upon the crowd and then upon me.

“Sure sis, sure,” she said looking concerned. “Whatever you want. But you know, we kind of like you just the way you are.”